The really secret one will just stay that way, but that is ok because there is no content there. Or maybe I will use it for the new
ah, right, its secret, so never mind.
ok, here is my latest list of what I have to sort of base reality on to not go completely crazy, what with everything and all. I am very tired. I can't sleep at all. So if this is typed strangely, that is fine with me, hopefully it will be fine with you, whoever you are.
These are in no particular order:
1. Time goes in one direction, mostly. I know, I know, I have seen "Into the Wormhole" with Morgan Freedman, and I have been informed that according to various theories that I enjoy (theories which I do not understand due to my rudimentary grasp of mathematics) that other possibilities are suggested. Ok, I am not ruling it out, but in my experience, and I have had a lot of weird experiences, it seems to go in one direction. See "The Speed of Time" , and its cousins, for my idea of why. Anyway, I would probably liked if it where more navigable, or maybe not, I like this sense of freedom from determinism, even if it is an illusion. Still, until I experience something like time travel, awake, I am going to operate as though we are in this broken symmetry, going...(though with a certain amount of elasticity, see number 3)
2.The future is complex, yet at times events can be predicted, or even influenced by our actions. We all do it. Hungry? eat a sandwich. This means in the future (5 minutes from now) you will no longer feel hungry, most likely. Obviously we can try and influence bigger things too. Sometimes even using "odd-er means of influence" I would like to investigate those more deeply, because they seem to be everywhere, but as I do not understand the nature of any of that, it is fairly well outside the bounds of this skeptical cage I am building to lock my perception of reality into in order to not freak fucking out.
4.There seems to be no direct evidence for a god, and I have had no direct experience of a god. Nor would it seem comprehensible that if one of those existed it would need my adoration.
5.The question of fate, that is, whether or not the future already exists is paradoxical. I like listening to experts talk about new theories around this (see number 1) however, in our daily lives we have every appearance of a certain degree of "free will". At least that is something. I am going with that, because (see number 2) otherwise I would starve waiting for the universe to feed me. The "odd-er moments" where I feel these interactions (like deja vu or some dream things) in which one is led to think that maybe things are structured on some other level of hierarchy invisible to us, or that time is a folded dimension and we are sometimes touching future layers briefly, or that there can be (Jung) acausal connections from which meaning arises, or that (Schopenhauer) that such coincidences or synchronicities are do to a common causal root located previously (sometimes very far in the past), or that through the chaotic dynamics of statistical determinism in complex systems seemingly disparate things are brought together that are not really at all disparate, or or or...these cause me to wonder what is really going on, and I want, like I said to investigate, but in the meantime I must behave as though I have free will, otherwise I would be very upset that things were set up this way because it just isn't fair, is it?
6.events, when not caused by us/me, seem to happen to us/me. is this caused by the collective aggregate of individual actions of others? It is surprising that the willful action of a single individual can emerge out of this complex environment at all, and yet sometimes they do, and can even change the whole course of the system. I would like to investigate the cause of this. I don't think there is the same sort of oddness to this particular topic, but complexity is odd enough, and maybe some of those other phenomena are products, or bi-products of that complexity. I would like to know how much direct influence we can have over this, with respect to our own lives. I mean direct, not by trying some magic. That is fun, but it hasn't worked for me yet.
7. The present influences, if not creates the future. That includes direct actions, those experiences that happen to us (see last one, above) and our reactions to those actions, to the environment. One must define one's goals and act accordingly, reacting with firmness and flexibility (language borrowed from nonskeptical source) to one's environment. One must be aware of what is operating in one's environment in order to try and predict it's future state and act accordingly. This is where many people, less skeptical than I am today, start to use the "odd-er informations and oracles etc"
here is a big one, it was acting according to its environment when this picture was taken:
8. It would be curious to know, and this is probably a repetition of something said earlier, if there is some way to encourage more positive influence/feedback from one's environment. If there were strategies of thought or behavior that would make certain outcomes more likely, in a general sense. These exist in games, right?
9.Other minds, other people. Though at times predictable (rationally or through "odder means") seem in my experience largely unknowable, though we can share happiness together. I can take the metaphor of my own mind and paste it on other people, but it only goes so far until their behavior convinces me that our minds are not really all that similar. sigh. Its lonely, but then at least I have some privacy in here.
togetherness seems to exist.
So the real question once I move god and paradoxes about fate off my epidemiological shelf, and put the very interesting issues about the direction, perceptibly, and existence of time on hold (that is kind of appropriate), and disregarding for now the sometimes seductive "odder aspects" which seem so incomplete and unknowable that it is hard to say that they exist or what they are, the real question for me is, why is it that I happen to be talking to myself in first person? Why am I here now? There is the solipsistic thing, which is super weird, you know, where we are all "in here" in first person, really for ourselves in some way the only one fully there. What do I do with that?
If I go to sleep then maybe I won't exist at all (in terms of this self-consciousness I am discussing) and that won't be so bad. I will have to stop writing, which is probably best anyway. I will go to sleep. I will think about otters.